


did you just what?

by fightingcold



Series: stuff is way [2]
Category: HLVRAI - Fandom
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Benrey has autism, Distrust, Gen, Nightmares, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Remorse, Unrequited Love, and depression, and psychosis, but dont worry he gets help :), gordon has adhd, possible future requited love?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-26
Updated: 2020-11-26
Packaged: 2021-03-10 07:15:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,797
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27719414
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fightingcold/pseuds/fightingcold
Summary: Benrey knows that Gordon doesn't want them here, that he hates them, but they just can't will themselves to stay away. They knew they blew their shot with him romantically, but they hope that, with the help of the Science Team, they'll at least be able to work their way towards friendship or, failing that, Gordon willing to be in a room with Benrey without Tommy supervising.
Series: stuff is way [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1776811
Comments: 2
Kudos: 31





	did you just what?

**Author's Note:**

> hey guys! sorry it took so long to get this out, im not very good at making or keeping schedules  
> i hope u like it! this ones in third person fyi still figuring out my style. tell me if u prefer one over the other! also i dont mean to offend anyone with my portrayal of mental illness and neurodivergence. its only a little bit at the end but please tell me if ive gotten something wrong!

Benrey took a deep breath as they rang the doorbell. Hopefully they wouldn't freak out too much to see them back from the dead.

As the door opened, Benrey started to panic. _What if Gordon is the one who answers the door? What if he slams the door in my face? What if they all hate me?_

"...Benrey?" Tommy said, shocked.

"...Yeah." Benrey replied, hesitantly.

They were surprised by the sudden hug that lifted them off the ground, which was no easy feat, considering Benrey was 7 feet tall.

"I missed you so much!"

"I... I missed you too, bro." Benrey muttered.

"Guys! Guess who just showed up!" Tommy cried, carrying Benrey, who had wrapped their legs around Tommy for ease of transport.

* * *

Benrey was unspeakably grateful that the Science Team didn't seem to hold a grudge against them. They had no idea how to explain their actions in a way that even begins to make sense to anyone but themselves. Gordon was out for a walk, so they were able to spend some time with their friends uninterrupted. They just hope that Gordon won't have a complete breakdown when he sees them.

* * *

"What?! Benrey!?" Gordon screamed as he walked through the front door.

"Ah, hello Gordon! It appears Benrey has come back from the dead!" Dr. Coomer said cheerfully from the kitchen.

"About damn time!" Bubby commented from the couch.

"I'm so glad he's back!" Tommy exclaimed as he hugged Benrey.

"Did you guys forget what he did?!"

"Everyone makes mistakes, Gordon!"

"Yeah, bro, can't you just chill?" Benrey said, smirking.

Gordon just hid his face in his hand. His _only hand_ because of-

Gordon abruptly turns on his heel and leaves the house.

Benrey slumps as soon as Gordon leaves, sighing despondently. Of course Gordon wouldn't be fine with Benrey just showing up out of the blue after everything.

"Don't worry, Benrey, I'm sure Gordon will come around eventually!" Tommy assures him.

Well, here's hoping.

* * *

Gordon does not come around. Benrey knows that Gordon hates them, is afraid of them, but being reminded of it almost every day still isn't pleasant. From the moment he wakes up to the moment he goes to bed, Gordon makes it clear that he has no faith in Benrey. He refuses to be alone with Benrey for even a moment, practically runs out of the room whenever he is, and it's really slowing down the Redemption Arc Benrey is trying to start. Kinda hard to show your remorse and good qualities when the person you're trying to convince of these things refuses to even look in your direction some days. It doesn't help that his nightmares almost always revolve around... _that_ incident. And if not that, then Xen and... everything that goes with it. They've been more frequent, since Benrey arrived. And he stays in his room most nights, fearful that he'll find Benrey out there instead of Tommy or Dr. Coomer. He's not wrong, because Benrey doesn't sleep much anyway, and they're looking for any opportunity to talk to Gordon.

Talk to Gordon _alone_.

A _real_ talk, not bickering or teasing or vague bullshit, an honest-to-God conversation, with no interruptions. They know that Gordon probably wouldn't want to talk to them, especially after a nightmare _directly caused by them_ , but they're getting desperate after a month of avoidance and half-hearted back-and-forth jabs.

Thankfully, the Science Team offers their assistance before Benrey can do anything that would make things worse.

* * *

"You've been trying to talk to Gordon, haven't you, Benrey?" Dr. Coomer says one late night with no preamble.

Benrey very nearly spits out their drink in shock, but manages to hold it back with just a small coughing fit.

"W-what? Huh?" they say.

"You've been trying to ta-"

"Uh, wh- what makes you think that?"

"It's pretty fucking obvious." Bubby scoffs.

"Whenever Gordon's in the room you look at him like a sad puppy begging for pets! And I'd know!" Tommy adds. "We'd be happy to help, if you want!"

Benrey almost plays dumb, just out of habit. Then they remember that's one of the things that annoyed Gordon so much in Black Mesa and almost always causes him to immediately drop any conversation Benrey manages to start without a word. Probably be best to hold off on purposeful bullshit until they're in a better place, relationship-wise.

"Yeah? I... Yeah, that'd be nice."

* * *

Benrey doesn't know what they expected, but it wasn't this. Apparently, according to the Science Team, exposure is the best way to get over Gordon's Benreyphobia. One of the first times they try this, the power goes out by pure happenstance, and Gordon has a panic attack almost the very moment the lights go out, and seeing Benrey only makes it worse. Tommy has to come in and remove him from the room and no one sees either of them for the rest of the day. When they finally return, Gordon is still incapable of speech for a full week after.

Their heart feels like it's sinking into the earth. They couldn't do anything.

They need to talk.

Benrey doesn't know how Tommy manages to convince Gordon to speak with Gordon alone, but they're grateful beyond words. When they settle down on the couch, the rest of the Team make themselves scarce. Gordon looks like he's about to bolt and they haven't even spoken yet.

"...Hey." Gordon says, eventually.

"Yo." Benrey replies.

They sit there in silence for what feels like an eternity, but is probably only like, 10 seconds or less. Still feels awkward as hell, though. Best to just get into it then.

"I'm sorry."

"...Huh?" Gordon says, dumbfounded.

"I'm sorry," Benrey repeats, "I didn't _mean_ for things to go like that! I didn't know they were gonna do that! I-I thought everyone could grow limbs back! I didn't know! I didn't mean to make the vibes so bad, man..."

Gordon stares at them for a moment before saying, "You thought I could regrow limbs?"

"Yeah," Benrey mumbles, looking down, "Tommy isn't human, so he can't get hurt by normal people things. Coomer has extendo-limbs, they got replaced all the time. Bubby was made in a tube and Black Mesa sucks. I thought..." they trail off.

"...Ok," Gordon says with his hand running through his hair to self-soothe while he thought this over. "Well, I'm not sure I'm ready to forgive yet, but I appreciate the apology... and I'll try to get better so I can someday. But what was with Xen?"

Benrey thought for a moment, "Xen was like, I was there but not? Like I saw myself doing shit, you know, but I wasn't in my body, like I was watching a videogame or something."

"Like dissociation?" Gordon asks.

"Like what?" Benrey responds.

"I think everyone in this house needs therapy." Gordon says.

Well, he's probably right about that.

* * *

They try a more subtle approach, then. Dr. Coomer gets Gordon ranting about something and includes Benrey on the conversation. Tommy will start some game to help Gordon work on his motor skills with one hand, and invites Benrey to help them. Bubby can't help much, since he's so busy creating a prosthetic for Gordon, but every once in a while he'll start an inane argument about something stupid that makes Gordon laugh, and invites Benrey to rib him. Once in a while one of them will ask Benrey to use the Sweet Voice for something, usually something small like a cut or calming down after a stressful day, just to normalize it. Otherwise, whenever Gordon looks at Benrey, they do their best to look as unmenacing as it's possible to be when you're over a foot taller than someone. Eventually Gordon starts ranting and gaming and arguing with Benrey, even lets them use the Sweet Voice on him every once in a while.

They're all getting therapy. Apparently, they all have PTSD now to go along with all their other problems. Thanks, Black Mesa. At least now they can all get the help they need.

* * *

One night, when Gordon has a nightmare, Benrey can't bear to stand by any longer. They thought that maybe time would dull their feelings for him, but the very opposite has happened. They step in the doorway and turn on the dimmer for the light so it doesn't blind Gordon and say, "Hey, man. You good?"

Gordon is shaking and panting as he calms down from his nightmare, left hand clutching his stump, "Not really."

Benrey slowly moves into the room a little more, "Need some help?"

Gordon looks at Benrey for a moment that feels like it lasts for much longer for Benrey than it really is, until Gordon nods pats the side of the bed. They settle down together.

"Yo, you wanna calm down maybe?" Benrey asks.

Gordon laughs a little, "Sure, man. Thanks."

Benrey feels a surge of bravery take over and they grab Gordon's hand, entwining their fingers. They freeze for a moment, but Gordon rubs his thumb across Benrey's hand, so they decide to take another risk and run their other hand through Gordon's hair. They can definitely see him blushing now, but he doesn't move away, just hums and leans closer.

Benrey starts to sing, blue orbs floating around the room and leaving a beautiful glow. Gordon sighs as the stress and fear he still felt melted away, leaving him tired and comfortable.

"Gordon sleep momence? Gordon nap like baby? Baby time?" Benrey ribs playfully, not quite ready to leave.

"Yeah, Gordon sleep. Gordon tired," he says as he yawns. "You staying?"

Benrey froze, "You, uh, you want me to stay?"

"Yeah, I do. But you don't gotta." Gordon says easily.

"I wanna." Benrey blurts before they can chicken out.

"'Kay. Is this alright?" Gordon asks as he pulls his hand away from Benrey's to wrap it around them, cuddling into their chest.

"Uh, yeah, yep, this is- this is a-ok with me, bro," Benrey splutters after a dumbfounded pause, "You, uh, you good?" they say as they move to wrap their now free hand around him, keeping the other in his hair. They understand why Gordon likes to do this so much.

They accidentally let out some pink-to-blue Sweet Voice, then frantically try to hide it by singing some blue-to-red.

"Aww, I love you too, Benrey." Gordon smiles.

Benrey doesn't know why Gordon saying this gets them as bad as it does. He tells the rest of the Science team he loves them all the time! But this is the first time he ever said that to Benrey.

"I think... I'm ready to forgive." Gordon mumbles into their chest.

"Y-yeah?" Benrey asks.

"Yeah," Gordon replies, "So, love you, 'night."

"Love you too," Benrey rumbles, purring without realizing it, "'Night."


End file.
